Now that we have shown the world irrefutable evidence of India’s involvement in creating and promoting trouble in Pakistan, we should focus all our energies on making the international community take some stringent measures against the troublesome Indians. They should be put under economic sanctions for being so anti-Pakistan; or at the least, there should be an embargo on selling arms and ammunition to them. If nothing else, there should be a resolution passed by the United Nations condemning Indian conspiracies against Pakistan. The resolution is, indeed, going to be very helpful to our cause — as the multiple anti-India resolutions passed by our own national and provincial legislatures have been; or the ones passed by the United Nations Security Council in 1948, backing our call for a plebiscite in Kashmir.

Since we are a conscientious people, we strictly want to remain within our own domain and do not wish to interfere in the affairs of our neighbours. We indeed, have always abided by the international laws as far as our relations with other countries have been concerned. That is why we seek, nay deserve, the support of the international community to make other countries – India in particular – behave the same way towards us. Preferably through a resolution, mind you!

There have been a few minor inconveniences though, and we are trying to rectify those. For instance, we have been sending regular and irregular fighters in Indian-administered Kashmir since 1984 (and nobody except us knows about the presence of the regulars, even though we have given them awards for gallantry); we have also been providing sanctuary, training and money to generations of Afghans fighting against their own state. Lastly, we have acquired nuclear weapons breaching a few unimportant global regulations and some minor trade rules.

And, we have sufficient justifications and explanations to have done these. For one, Kashmiris have the right to be freed by us and we, therefore, will continue supporting this right of theirs by sending them regular support in the form of our homegrown freedom fighters; the Afghans cannot be allowed to live under tyranny of any type – communist, democratic, liberal – so we will continue supporting them too until they have a genuinely Islamic state that brooks no dissent and harbours no notions of progress and development. And those nukes — which we have proudly produced by forcing a large part of our population to eat grass! We have shared these with only a few friends and neighbours for a simple reason — they will shower them on India in case somehow our nukes don’t work or are taken out. What’s the harm in that kind of forward planning?

Lest anyone get any wrong notions that we don’t abide by international norms and laws, we wish to make it clear that each and every step in our national life has been a reaction to the shenanigans of our enemies. One of our former commanders-in-chief, General Musa, was once able to articulate really well the importance of these shenanigans in our actions: he eloquently explained that our tanks that had crossed into India in September 1965, could not reach Amritsar because of Indian treachery. What enemy – other than the extremely treacherous and highly deceptive one sitting next door to us – would breach canals and blow up bridges in the face of advancing tanks of an always honest and truthful neighbour?

But the past is the past and like men with large hearts, we are not going to keep harping about it. Especially after we have proved to the world beyond a shadow of doubt, that it is the Indian intelligence agency RAW, that is behind all the problems faced by us. It has purchased many of our intellectuals, journalists and politicians — especially those who we disparagingly call pacifist liberals. Who even needs them in an Islamic republic which seeks to protect the rights, and interests, of the Muslim communities and states everywhere in the world? And why on earth would anyone in their right frame of mind ever demand legitimacy for the people’s electoral mandate; respect for institutional boundaries; economic, cultural, political and religious rights for the underprivileged sections of the society; an across-the-board accountability, not just of the corrupt politicians and their lackeys but of those military rulers and their remnants, who have created and encouraged a culture of institutionalised corruption in the country? Don’t they know that our existence is under perpetual threat — from India, of course? Don’t they realise that we are in a perpetual state of war imposed on us by our eastern neighbour? Don’t they understand that we have been waging a permanent armed struggle for the security of our state? It is very clear that they don’t since they keep asking for a democratic, peaceful, stable Pakistan where political, cultural, economic and religious justice can prevail.

Such traitors don’t belong in this society. Through newspaper columns, television talk shows and official statements – issued under the moral guidance of the Pak Army – we are convincing the people to throw them out. And the international community should help us achieve this noble task.