Dear Diary, order, order, order! I know you’re not doing anything untoward, but I just like saying this. Just thank your stars that I haven’t issued a suo moto notice against you. Why, you ask? Because.
Confused? Good. So, Dear Diary, order, order, order! I’m still very concerned about the whole CNG issue. Just heard that ANP’s Bashir Bilour has been killed by those whose name I cannot speak because it is not in the Constitution.
Anyway, what can be more important than the CNG issue, and the delimitation of Karachi’s constituencies and the President’s role in the ruling party and, of course, the rising price of potatoes, tomatoes and tomatoes and potatoes…
Right. I am feeling mighty pleased with the way I issued a contempt of court order against that Muhajir whose name I can speak but you, Dear Diary, wouldn’t. Shame on you.
So, that Muhajir was going around in London of all the places, badmouthing the gallant judiciary and the even more gallant yours truly. Can you believe that?
What did I do to make him so angry? Did he think I was talking about him when I was talking about potatoes and tomatoes?
My order, nay, order, order, order, to carry out the delimitation of Karachi’s constituencies is for the good of that godforsaken city. Isn’t it obvious how delimitation will curb crime in Karachi?
It isn’t? Dear Diary, you DO NOT have the right to contradict me. Are you by any chance also being written by that crook Malik Riaz? Yes, the same fellow who tried to sully my name by drowning my innocent son in all kinds of false allegations of corruption.
Alhamdullillah, as we have seen how all those allegations were wrong and malicious and false and … Oh, well, what can I say? I’m an impartial judge and should remain neutral.
Dear Diary, why on earth are you snickering? Did I say anything funny? Being a judge is no laughing matter. It is a very serious business. That’s exactly why I have now decided to issue a suo moto notice against the quality of buns being used by bun kebab vendors. And also against the quality of lids being used to cover manholes.
Yes, Diary dearest, I will do anything and everything to keep myself in the headlines. If you have a problem with that then please file a petition against me that will be heard by a bench of senior judges headed by, of course, me!
Me, me, me! If a party can be called PPP, why can’t I call my gallant judicial posse Me, Me, Me?
So, darling Diary, as I was saying, how concerned I am about corruption, CNG, manholes, potatoes and tomatoes and delimitation of … Who? Who got shot? Malala? Was she Hindu? I mean, sounds like a Sanskrit name. She was shot in Swat? Hmmm. Must act against those gangs in Karachi fast. It seems they’ve extended their reach all the way to Swat.
She was shot by whom? Dear Diary, order, order, order! Please do not distract me. I have very important things to think about: i.e. Price of potatoes, tomatoes, tomatoes and potatoes. Diary adjourned.